Wednesday, July 10, 2013

A blast from the past...anal confession

Many years a land far, far away...

I was about to have the most rockin one night stand with this guy I was conversing with online for a few weeks. We met up at a club. We had some drinks and danced and he was hot and I was hot for him. The night came to an end and we headed to his small studio apartment. As we arrived, I could feel I needed to use the toilet, but I refused to do something like THAT at his place. We started playing around and  as the passion grew with great force, the feeling of having to go subsided.

Full throttle from the very beginning...sucking, licking, exploring, and fucking with pictures and video. Nothing was not done...including the finale of ANAL! Hot with desire and passion, I had forgotten I needed to go. In the slow and hot build up of entry, I was ready! Once in the right gear, he slowly upshifted until he was in 6th ...when the oil gasket blew! With every thrust, my passion spewed...literally. He was unwavering in his excitement and continued on until he reached his destination. Upon finishing, he was calm and relaxed and quite sympathetic. Shit happens right! Meanwhile, I was mortified, but refused to show it. We cleaned up and changed the sheets like it was nothing. We then laid down in each others arms and enjoyed the pictures we took and reminisced on all our fun. We were both high from the excitement of the great sex we had just experienced, but in the back of my mind, I could not wait for him to go to sleep, so I may use his toilet in peace. Well, somewhat peace...I knew there was going to be WWIII going on just steps away from his bed. He finally drifts away to dreamland and I get up quietly to take my moment. I sit on the toilet and let the demons out. Slowly not to create tremors. I waited to release between his snores. I could not believe the satisfaction of that very movement once it was over. I go to flush the toilet and get into the shower, when the next level of my nightmare begins...the toilet begins to over flow. Oh GOD please no...nooooooooooo! I take the lid off the back and try to get the lever back on to prevent more overspill...then look for the plunger and it is nowhere to be found. I can handle this, but please God let me do this without waking him up!

I finally get the toilet to stop flowing and he is still snoring along. I put the lid down and sit on the toilet and think about how to handle this situation without a plunger. After pondering my options for 20 minutes, I clean up all that I can and come to the conclusion: I must face the music. I have to wake him up and have him help me clean up my shit. Or could I just leave and never speak to him again? That was an option, but then what if I saw him out? He would remember me as the girl who killed his toilet and left. Nope, not an option. Face the music it was to be. I woke him up and asked for help...

Needless to say, after that dreadful yet fun and adventurous night, we became a couple and were together for over 2 years!

Sometimes, the root of your desire goes well beyond your trunk

In the last year and a half I have studied the sexual nature of myself and men from all over the world. I have exposed and experienced idiocy, extreme perversions, tenderness, longing, success and downfalls. The most interesting thing I have come across is the hidden desire for something real through the force of online anonymity. I have trolled sex ads, placed sex ads, sold my sex, my body and essence and shared all for the world to see and experience through word or in the flesh. What I discovered through all the myriad facades is:

The majority of men have perverse ideas in their heads. Ideas spoon fed from pornography: how many places can I stick my cock, how can I tear that up, the submission of a woman tending to his piece, him performing an act that appears to be turning her on or getting her off or even going to an extreme of turning something completely disgusting into a complete raw form of enjoyment. In other words, the ecstasy of completely letting go to every and all inhibitions.

Men also have a romanticized drive of what sex should be for them. They have a desire for physical contact, touching, being touched, being pleased equally to pleasing. The disconnection or connection they have falters in the communication and expression of desire and imagination of desire.

Online anonymity provides a platform to express ones self in this pornographic alter ego and play in the realm of fantasy. But really this alter ego is merely a manifestation of something, I think even most men do not realize and that is this romanticized desire that links them closer to a woman. I know you probably think I am full of shit, but working as a whore and meeting many, many, many men in the "anonymous" realm of fantasy, the outcome or reality supports my argument.

85% of the men that seek me out and book me are married or in a relationship
10% of the men are successful and attractive men, who just have no time for seeking or sustaining a relationship
5% are just insecure or really the stereotypical guys who could not get a woman if they tried

The factor they all have in common: they all seek companionship, closeness and to fulfill desire for something they do not have.

The men who are married seek most of all: tenderness, attention, the feeling of being desired and of course excitement! Obviously the things that are lacking in their everyday relationships. Sure, they may approach me with some crazy pornographic idea of what they would like to do, but ultimately, they wanted to be ABLE to express this type of desire without judgment or immediate denial. Once meeting in the flesh, their comfortability and feeling of freedom, because of the openness, their true desire and essence is exposed.  Many of course do not do the things they say they think they want to do, rather they take their time and enjoy the open company and fall prey to the moment and the natural forces of two souls coming together.

The single, successful and attractive men with no time, know exactly what they want and waste no time expressing it and doing it. They are not bogged down by the emotion of dissatisfaction of a relationship. They do not pretend for a moment and take advantage of this fantasy world alongside the give and take. They value their time and investment and make the most of it. Their fantasy and realistic desire to be touched and to touch, to give and receive collide and usually with a sonic boom.

The 5% of insecure or stereotypical men are really broken into two groups. Wanting the connection and the "know how" and those that are completely perverse and have no desire for anything other than their pornographic manifestations.

The insecure use the anonymity as a shield to protect them from embarrassment. Many express themselves opposite to who they really are to help build themselves up or keep it as real as possible and with only a few embellishments for fear of "me" meeting them in the flesh and feeling incompetent. These men really seek the chance to make a woman feel like a goddess, since in their real lives, they have no one. They want to know what it is like to be touched and to touch and make a woman happy and usually have little regard for self gratification.

On the other side of the the extreme perverse. They have no ability to communicate or express themselves outside this pornographic fantasy land. The anonymity allows them to be "the supernatural porn star" they could never be in real life. Of course, some whores will cater to this persona for an easy buck and it is a shame to see this behavior perpetuated. Especially when there are very good techniques some of us have to reveal and play on these desires in other ways.  For these men, the goal is to remove any and all emotion from the equation and test the limits of physical gratification and pay no attention to why they would want to do the things they do.

Friday, May 17, 2013

The Ignorance of Men Desperate for Sex

Creating silly Craigslist ads is a fun way to pass time and seems to be a popular form of entertainment... not just for myself, but for many others. Yesterday after reading through some of the personal ads in the Berlin chapter, I was inspired! I decided once again to see how far some men would go for sex.

Hottie with a Surprise!

“I am a very attractive blond woman. I live alone and need some sex. I have herpes but do not like to use condoms. Are there any good looking men out there...well that don't mind?”

This is very scary guys and gals! Here are only the first few responses. Sadly no pics were made available to match a face/cock to the ignorance.

From P.

I guess that is not infectious, hmm? I am interested and hope that you
are real. I am German, tall, well educated, clean and just need some
distraction. So if you are still up for it, please let me know. Best ..

Dear Mr. P… are obviously NOT a well-educated man and in your statement identifying yourself as German is shameful to all Germans. Not only is Herpes contagious…there is no cure. If it goes undiagnosed you could get early onset dementia and when you have your outbreaks nice juicy sore red pustules take over your entire penis! Which would you prefer?

From Jeff K

I must say thats the first I see an ad such as this, I like the honesty! you seam like a boiling steamer ! 

Dear Jeff K,

I have many steaming boils, that was the point. Would you like them on your mouth or all over your cock? Honesty is only half the battle.

From Megane Trish


i'm interested & i don't mind your herpes ;-) 


Dear Megane,


You really should care about my herpes…even if you already have them…who knows what else I may have?


From Michael  Mclaughlin

That is a sick post and you are not real. 

Dear Michael,

I think you may be the only man here able to maintain blood flow to both heads at once!! J


From Braziliian Guy Cara Legal

Hey there, im a good looking brazilian guy in berlin now. I would like to meet you.. Where are you?
Dear Braziliian Guy,
No offence, but in the sexually educated reality, Brazil is number one in the modern world for HIV. Why? Because of your twisted idea about anal penetration not being considered sex! Having anal intercourse with young ladies to “preserve her virginity” and since you do not consider anal as sex, there is of course no need for a condom! Having herpes is bad enough, I do not want a dose of HIV or whatever else may be clinging on to your balls.


From Martin Martino

hi there,


just saw your post.

if you real lets really make it happen.


I am a handsome, typical artist in Berlin, not desperate for sex but really fancy a spontaneous meeting with sazzy stranger

I am 33, skim, dark chocolate skin, black curls and all that jazz.


dont ask for naked photo that ot gonna happen

if you up for it we can meet in a ice cozy bar and see how it goes

I have standard too ;-)

Dear Martin,

So would it be safe to say that “typical artists” go slathering their cocks in any canvas? Why would I want a naked pic to begin with? One, I am not a man and two if I am a herpes infected nasty bitch who wants to fuck you without a condom, why would I give a sit about what you look like? Please clarify your standards….that is what I thought, any woman that would not walk out of the bar after meeting you J

From Benny

By the way it is not really a surprise if you tell before they unpack the present. The best answer might be: I do mind, because you'll endanger everyone who is careless enough.

Then again I guess your revealing post suggests that in fact a lot of people don't give a liquid fart about their health or the health of others. Quiet sad, quiet stupid, quiet egoistic.

Without writing about that Herpes you'd even have ten times more replies of people who are willing to have condomless sex with a total stranger. You should strike there next time.

Nicely done, strangress/stranger.
You're my hero/in of the day.

Later From Michael Mclaughlin

Ok, this is Michael, one of your posters. You know, the guy with blood flowing to both ends. I might add I turned the post into CL for removal I found it so offensive. So was there any, uh, prize or reward for doing the right thing? Shouldn't right moral courage be rewarded? I am not talking about you owe me a casual encounter, but how about an ice cream? A cup of coffee? Order of fries?
Just asking.  Michael  Since I am a curious sort why did you run the ad? I wonder if women would respond in the same way? I sure hope not. No, women are not that bloody stupid.
Hello Michael,

I remember who you are. I want to congratulate for a great job in policing Craigslist for inappropriate behavior. Why did I do it? Consider it a wake up call or a public service announcement.

I do this on occasion to show 1. women how far men will go 2. to show how ridiculous the responses are 3. to prove a point about ignorance....but this one in particular, to show how easy it could be to catch a disease. Many of these men on CL are married or have girlfriends...and I know for a fact that many of them cruise the site with much luck, only to (if I were real, in this case) to have risked their (significant others) health and lives for one moment of bliss.  

It is meant to be offensive! Because it is! Sometimes in the anonymous world where anything goes, some blip of reality must surface from time to time. So no, no prize...I do not ever reward bad behavior.

As far as women responses....the only female responses were....thank you and this is disgusting! Do not even begin to think that women behave and react to sex in the same way as men do....when they do, it is only an act or because that is the only way they were taught to attract a man in the first place. There is no doubt that women have desires and kinky desires at that.But the way we desire and who we desire is not lost in blood flow between our nether regions and our brains.
From Ashley (A woman I am guessing)
OMG! This is sad and funny at the same time! You are brilliant !

Friday, March 1, 2013

We are all whores! II

We are all whores!


If this offends you, then perhaps this is not the blog for you. This is the true story of a woman who embraced her sexuality and discovered personal success in peddling her own natural resources as a whore.


There is a reason this is the oldest profession. But I declare it is one of the world’s most honest professions, yet yields a harsh reputation. It is clearly in demand, for that is why it exists. One could say a woman cheapens herself when she takes remunerations for her services, but this is surely not the case, when so many give it away for free.


If you think whores are limited to women who walk the street and tempt you with their seemingly enchanting goods, you are wrong. Think about it, every day you wake up at some God awful hour to go to work, usually doing something that takes from you more than it gives in return. Every day you compromise your principles, you sacrifice your health, your family, your time…and for what, for who? For some boss or several bosses that will always get paid more to do less. But make no mistake, they too are whores. They too must pay the piper in some way, but usually it is at your expense. Their dilemma lies in their conscience and it is not for us to see.


Think about life in only black and white and in the view of consumers and producers. You are programmed to think you are the consumer, but you really are only a producer, that consumes. The more you desire, the more you need, the more you must produce. Yet, you are not rewarded in time or money the more you produce, so why do you produce more? When you delve into your work until 10 at night and have left what is important alone, do you even take the time to revel in the consumables you have? Do you think about all the memories you have sacrificed? Have you realized your resource and potential and compared it to your sacrifices?


The boss on the other hand, has no need to think about these things, because having you as his slave, he has time to enjoy his consumables and make memories. But he as the ultimate consumer, who also produces, must continue his standard of living for fear of one day becoming you.


Some whores sacrifice all the things that are important in life as a slave, because either they are willing to sacrifice their children, their wives, or their health to survive or in hopes to ultimately become the boss. While some whores are willing to sacrifice those things on your behalf as a rule of survival of the fittest. This whore is the biggest whore of all. The big whore knows the worth and value of the slave and buys him at the cheapest rate, just enough to keep that carrot on the stick alluring. The cheap whore goes along with this rate, because he himself never knew his worth, nor did he demand it.


So when you drive off to work, leaving your beautiful wife and your children at that God awful hour in your fancy car, your clunker, or even the train, take a good look around you and you will see how small you are in the sea of cheap whores. Perhaps you will have the strength to say, WTF?


The only difference with the whore who works as such openly and you is that she has come to terms with her enslavement. She has found something of herself that has value, that is marketable and manageable and on her own terms. She has not only separated herself from the sea of cheap whores in denial, but she has weighed the worth and value and demands it up front. The business transaction is made without further debt. The client gets what he pays for and she can live in reasonable comfort, luxury, have time to build memories, raise her children, and even have her health. If she plays it smart, she can even build something for her offspring. Sounds a little like marriage, don’t you think, but with no strings attached.  In the case of the whore, her title is clearly placed on her door.

The truth is, the sooner we acknowledge that we are all whores, the sooner we can find our personal worth and demand it. 

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Beaten on the Post

It was a warm summer evening in July, my country's day of independence, yet I could not be any further away from the waving stars and stripes and beer can hat holders. No, I was in my beloved Berlin on a train to Spandau wearing nothing but a corset under a rain coat and knee high boots. I had been summoned by my "master" to meet in the woods for several hours of nature, sekt, and spanking. The long ride gave me time to imagine what people were thinking as they looked at me, my attire, and expression. I was very turned on by my request for the evening, but did not know how turned on I was until my bare ass touched the seat as I sat down. I felt so dirty and exposed, but I think that is what he wanted me to feel, although he was not there to see it. The longer the ride, the more I was turned on, thinking about what he would do to me in the deep dark forest.

When I entered the car, he told me to open the glove box. There inside was my 300€ ans a dog collar and line. He told me to remove both of them and explained that once I put on the collar, I am his bitch to do what he says. He placed the collar around my neck and kissed my forehead. We drove for about 20 minutes, so my fear of being too far away from civilization was calmed. As we drove he placed his fingers between my lips and then tasted me and said he could not wait for his little slave to remove her jacket. We arrived just at dusk to a recently cleared pasture lined with what seemed like never ending green. He had been there a few days before to mark the path to a special place. He led my line until we reached our first post, where he finally told me to remove my coat. I disbanded my belt and slow and decisively I unzipped my jacket and let it fall to the ground, exposing my shimmering white skin in the light of the full moon.
My master took hold of my leash and brushed the cool metal links across my breasts, as he studied the form of his beloved slave girl. He soaked in the details of my curves, how my hair fell on to my back, all the way to the crease of my posterior and then gab her a gentle slap and grip. He then began to lead me into the woods, but found it a struggle to guide the way and keep his eyes on me, and suddenly he said stop! You will lead the way....I want to watch your ass as you walk. Although it was dark, my skin was a complete glow, I myself could not stop looking down upon my breasts and enjoying the view in the moonlight. The excitement made my nipples hard and the warm breeze through my exposed ocelot made her begin to pulsate in her provocation.
I was secure in my trust for my master. This was not a problem, as I was quite aroused. As we continued our way into the thicket, I became slightly startled when I heard a herd of wild boar scrambling through the bushes just ahead. I maintained my composure and made as much noise walking as I could, so to keep them away. After all, I will be tied up helpless to a tree! We continued to a small and quaint open valley. Surrounded by tall trees was an open patch of plain seated just below the warm gaze of the moon. All I could do was soak in the elements of nature around me and  I could not be anymore at peace. Feeling the fresh air in my lungs, on my lips, and dancing on my skin, I also never felt more sexy. My master commanded me to place my palms on a tree in the corner, while he laid out a blanket, our toys, a pillow, and some wine. When he completed his task, he requested that I join him for a libation. But first, he placed the shackles around my wrists for me not to forget my place.
After our moment of basking in the moonlight with our wine, he asked me if I remembered my positions for command. For a moment I had forgotten, as it had been some months since our last session. In my hesitation he exclaimed, for that you shall be punished. He shoved his cock in my mouth and smothered me until I was deprived of just enough air. He pulled back and gave me a small smack across the face and grabbed my lips tightly pulling them to his and then he kissed me passionately. Now, he said, what is the position for awaiting orders? I placed the pillow on the ground and delicately bent down to my knees with spread legs, my hands behind my back, and my head bowing in submission. Good girl, he said, as he rubbed his cock along the back of my neck, unbeknown this place on my body is one of my most sensitive erogenous zones. However, there was no hiding my arousal in this moment, as he placed his fingers between my legs and felt the cool wetness dripping from my lips. Triumphantly he gave her a spank and then licked the nectar from the palm of his hand.
He then commanded me to the punishment position. I had no problems with my commands, as all was coming back to me... it was like riding a bike. I slowly stood up and walked over to the tree placing my palms open embracing the bark. I bent my ass out as far as I could with a completely arched back, legs spread...completely exposed. Nothing but silence for a moment, until I heard the crack of the riding crop across my ass. For sure, I heard the cracking of the object across my ass, long before I felt it. Several cracks, I could hear, feel, sense nothing but the echoing of the cracks in the dark wood. The sound was invigorating. However, he could sense my complete enjoyment and therefore he stopped.
My last command was to show him the position for desire. I slowly move away from my corner to the blanket spread. Deliberately angling my body in co-ordinance with the light of the moon, I got on all fours, reached behind and spread myself open to him. I do not know what came over me, but I suppose it was the nature and my full exposure in it, but my pussy was throbbing. My master could sense this, so he refrained from touching me, rather he lifted me up by my hair and then gently caressed my face and told me how beautiful I was, just before he shoved his cock back into my mouth. There in the open nature, our audience of trees, random hidden animals, and the moon and stars above, I blew him deep and hard until he was about to cum....and he pulled away. It was not until he could not take any more that he pushed me back and began to lick and taste my juices. Playing with my asshole with his tongue and encircling it with his fingers, that I exploded all over his face. A never ending torrent of liquid alacrity spewed from my crevice.
The howling of my deepest passion roared in unison with the fireworks spectacle in the next town. This added the perfect ambiance to express my enthusiasm for this particular moment in my sex. The green, red, and blue light from above cascaded against my body illuminating the curvature of my breasts and my facial features. The out poor of my ecstasy left my body completely destitute and we took a few moments to intimately reflect on our actions and replenish our strength for what was to come next.
After our pause, my master picked up the ropes and a few toys and a headlamp and guided me deeper into the forest. Earlier he had found a couple of smaller trees close enough together to tether me to. Standing me in an X formation, he slowly tied each wrist and each ankle to my hosts. He then blindfolded me and gagged my mouth. he left me standing there, wanting, desiring, and teasing with silence. The anticipation built up and my pussy was once again dripping. out of nowhere I hear the lovely sound once again of the clapping of my ass, this time with a paddle. He alternated in paddling my ass and tweaking my nipples until he could no longer resist. I heard him open the condom wrapper and for some reason, this is a huge turn on. Then I feel him penetrate my pussy with his cock, finally being filled, I could not stop the rush of liquid as I felt it run down my legs. Not being able to get the perfect position to climax, he released me from my ties, grabbed my collar and pulled me to our place in the grass, bent me over and gave it to me hard. As he was about to cum, he quickly removed his condom and exploded his sperm all over my face. He took the time to gaze upon my face and enjoy the reflective glimmer of his seed in the moons grace.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Because I'm Worth It

Article written by new start-up online Magazine based off an interview with me.

Prostitute, whore, escort, courtesan. Deemed the oldest profession in the world, prostitution is still deemed a job for women who have lost their way, been forced into it and have little self-esteem and no self-respect. But what about those who choose the business? We spoke to a woman currently working as an escort in Berlin.

I became an escort about 9 months ago. This is something I decided to do. I wasn’t coerced or forced into it. And for now, it’s something I enjoy doing. Sure I do it to make money, this is my full-time job and business, but I get enjoyment out of it too and wouldn’t do it if I didn’t.
My decision to become an escort was for various reasons but mostly it seemed I’d reached a point where my search for work, and my search for sexual satisfaction intersected. At the time I had only been in relationships with women for the last 6 years. My inherent distrust of men had meant I was unwilling to have a relationship with them or be used by them in any way. However after all these years I began to long for sex with men again. I couldn’t tell you why this was, maybe my biological clock kicking in, who knows. But I decided to run with it.
However I was sorely disappointed. My 6 year hiatus from hetro-sex ended with a guy singing his own praises telling me how mindblowing it would be, only to find he was a minuteman. Needless to say, nothing was blown, especially not mind. It then occurred to me, if this is the kind of nonsense I was going to deal with in my personal life, why not at least get paid for it? I was unemployed at the time and it seemed a logical way to make a living and at least get something out of this hetro-sex my body craved.

Now many believe that escorting, prostitution, whatever you’d like to call it, is nothing but objectification of women and disrespecting and selling your body, I believe that I have actually found myself worth and realized my value. I realize that a lot of porn and prostitution objectifies women, but this only happens because women have been taught they have no value, especially when it comes to sex. Girls are taught boys only want you for sex, telling them that they have no other value except for a man’s sexuql enjoyment. Very few women realize the power they possess over men, but all women have this power. Why else would Muslim men insist women be completely covered?
I have come to understand my sense of worth and value and my power as a woman. I am empowered. Other women could do this too if they realized their worth. I’ve had times where I’ve been out with a client getting paid 300 for a night of bar hopping and giving a client company, and walked past hookers walking the streets, waiting for any guy to come along. If she only knew her self-worth she could be out there making more, enjoying it more. These women have what customers want and the ability to control it, they just needs to understand it. 

I don’t say yes to everyone that gets in touch with me. Clients have to be respectful and contact me in the proper way. Then if I feel comfortable with them and I click with them, there’s no problem. Because I know men will always want this, I can choose to ensure that I have a good time too. If you’re not enjoying it it’s not worth it.

If I’m honest I think all women should be charging men for sex. Men don’t value anything unless they pay for it. As an escort I am wined and dined and the men are gentlemen and make more effort than any normal guy would, because they’ve paid for the experience. Men respect money. Nothing else. So if a woman hopes to be valued for what she is and treated properly by a man, she needs a price.

Maybe that seems unromantic or callous but I think it’s sensible. As long as women don’t know their value, men with treat them as if they have no value and use you for sex. The only way to fix that? Put a price on yourself before others do it for you.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

The Embodyment of

The following highlight is part of special article written for magazine on the topic of sexual objectification of both men and women. XXXtravaganza Magazine is a new online magazine preparing to launch its first edition on August 31st. Please visit the site for additional interesting topics and themes of discussion. The magazine is considering me as a regular columnist and I would sincerely appreciate your positive and negative feedback to be written to the magazine directly. I hope you enjoy.

The Embodyment of Innosense


Looking back on my life and the lives of people I have had considerable contact with, I make attempts to see crucial moments of impact.  Moments that have considerable influence on our thought processes, decisions, how we look at life, and how life in turn looks at us. Society, religion, and media have a significant monopoly on regulating our behavior, especially when it comes to our roles, gender roles in particular. But in my experience, the most significant and what should be the most trustworthy, is that of the family. The family is meant to analyze, interpret, clarify, and in many cases transcend these social signals. My moment of impact came from an amalgamation of familiar and social communications, when I decided to become a whore. When I saw my role in life to be a full-time job and that I should be the boss. A single correspondence between my father and me exemplifies my embodyment of innosense.



My Dearest Father,

I came across this letter you wrote to me when I was 15 years old. Do you remember writing this to me?
My Dearest Daughter,

First and foremost, I want you to know how much I love and adore you. You are my angel and princess. I know my restrictions on you in the last years have been hard. I know you think you hate me because I control how late you are allowed to stay out, what you wear, and with whom you go out. But it is for your own good. I am only trying to protect you from the mischief of men. I know it is hard for you to understand at this time, but at some point I hope you will. The truth is that men, especially boys, are driven by their desire for sex. I know with your hormones raging as they are, you are also highly vulnerable to these coercions. I only want to preserve your innocence as long as possible. You cannot trust men, especially these boys, because they lack the capacity to think beyond their hormone driven disposition. I know you also think you hate me, because I give your brother Jake, more freedoms, but he is a man. I do not have to worry about him getting raped or pregnant. I do not know what I would do if anything happened to you my princess. Please try not to hate me for my wanting to protect you. I only want the best for you.

All the love in the world,
Your father
I know we have not spoken much since I finished college over 10 years ago, but I have been busy trying to find my place in this world. As a young woman, I looked up to you and we always did things together. In my eyes you were the perfect man. You were always there and you treated mom and me like queens. I do not know the personal details about your divorce, but, through my own experiences in relationships and life, I have a pretty good idea of what happened.
As I have wandered through this journey of life, I have always had in the back of my mind what you said in this letter that you wrote me so long ago, “men are driven by their desire for sex and that you cannot trust them.” You were right, at the time I despised you so much for not allowing me to learn how to carry myself in this man’s world, but rather you kept me hidden away. I could not understand how it was fair to keep me in solitude, as an unattainable object, while you let Jake have free run of his exuberance.
When I was a girl and dreamed of one day getting married, I only wished to have a man as devoted and true as you. But in the end, not even you were impervious to your own theory. I loved how you took care of me and mother, but as an adult, I came to resent how you kept us dependent on you. Your energies given to our preservation, protection, and even adoration in the end, propagated your theory of men and became a self-fulfilling prophecy, not only for you, but also for Jake. Giving him his freedoms without censure, allowed him to have two children and become a father to neither.
All my life, I have been in and out of relationships, unable to trust the men I am with. I cannot even say that at any time did any of them truly ever deserve my trust or what should be valued in me the most. But, even if they had, I would not have known, because I never really knew my true value myself, until now. I am now 35 years old. I have a college education and I live a free life, however, alone. I have sought to find the right guy and in my most recent attempts, I placed an ad in the personals of Craigslist, amongst others, and I have to say, I hit rock bottom, when Jake responded to my ad, not knowing it was me, with nothing but a picture of his cock.
I know this perpetuation of objectifications is unlikely to change overnight or even at all. But for myself, I can change the way in which I am objectified and at least demand value for that which men desire most. If men will only ever see me as an object, then I shall collect on the fruits of this labor and expect remuneration. I can play the game along with them, but from now on, the game will be played with my rules or not at all.
So to respond to your letter father, I do understand. I understand, the who, what, why, and how…vividly. I do not hate you, I never did. I am only disappointed that when you were given the position in life to empower your children and to teach them dignity, honor, and respect, you took the easy way…to go with the status quo. But, father, it was not all for nothing, as I have become powerful and prosperous only because of this deficiency of men and because you taught me never to trust them because of it.
Your Dearest Daughter
Aimmee Dudevant
Confessions of a Whore in Berlin

sexual objectification, woman, becoming a whore, born a whore, how to attract a man