Friday, January 27, 2012

FtM, Lesbian, and Hetero sex....what was the best?

For those of you unbeknown to the term FtM it means Female to Male Transition.

Intro to my sex....

For the last 6 years or so, I have lived a life of a lesbian. I had 3 girlfriends and 1 wife in that period of time. I knew I liked the idea of sex with women since I can remember as a young pubescent girl. I came to acknowledge it while in middle school when I would feel the ping in my sex when I saw the girls breasts, ass, and curves while changing in the girls locker room. However, I did not admit it to myself and accept these feelings until I was 17 years old. That is when I had my first pseudo-girlfriend. I say pseudo because we never had sex. It was mostly that of flirtations, looks, kisses, and love notes. I explored a little and had my first lesbian experience during a foursome in my apartment. I was very excited and nervous when it all began. I had a crush on the girl and when the opportunity presented itself...I took it. It was horrible. When I went down on her she tasted of day old sex. It was like her boyfriend had cum inside her that morning and she never cleaned herself. Luckily, amidst the orgy, someone started pounding on the front door and I was saved!

This experience kept me fearful of trying again for some time. I developed a few rules and standards to the women I fucked. Rule 1. If you can't see the bottom of the ocean...don't dive in...this is a good rule for swimming too!! Rule 2. finger test 3. know the hygiene rituals of said girl 4. does she sleep with men? If so, this tends to taint the taste and odor of a woman (prefer lesbians)

For several years later, I had the fantastical thoughts of being with women. When I watched porno, I would only get off if it was lesbian sex. Watching dick sucking and anal did nothing and regular hetero sex was ok. I went through the majority of my adult life having relationships with men and having one night stands, but nothing ever sexually fulfilled me. I would actually have no sex drive at all for months. I thought I had a serious problem mentally and emotionally.


Heterosexual

My last relations with men was in a LTR with a man with whom I loved and thought I would marry. We had good fun sex and it was more regular with him than anyone, but in the 3 three years we were together, we never made love. This  started to develop my desires for being with a woman even more. He always told me it would be ok with him if I had sex with women, but I never had the self confidence to go for it. Our relationship ended because he was cheating on me with a woman he met online. It was a horrible time for me not so much because of the relationship ending or that he was cheating. But more because I felt he was my last hope in having a normal life as a heterosexual woman. This was the make it or break point in my life. I was 28 and had only failed relationships with men. I was not sure how strong I was at that time to face the reality that I may be gay and needed to shit or get off the pot. In my depression, I decided to try and kill myself. I lit candles in the room, took 20 sleeping pills, and covered my head with a plastic bag. Obviously, it  did not work as I am here writing now!

When I woke up in the morning I had a new outlook on life and was ready to face my fears and start a new chapter in my life. I didn't die, so there for I must follow through with destiny. The crazy story about the last man I had a relationship with, or even had sex with until I moved to Berlin, is as follows.... shortly after our break up I hear he is getting married to the girl he cheated on me with. I was completely shocked by the news, a little put out, but mostly shocked. But I got over it quite quickly actually. The shocker came a few months later when I heard he went to prison. It turns out he was on a chat line and an "underage" girl was chatting him up. He met her and was tackled in the front yard by sting operation police and sentenced to 10 years prison for attempted statutory rape and attempted child molestation. All of which was documented on national television..."to catch a predator".

Lesbian        

The next few years I got over my insecurity and started to really enjoy my sex. It turns out I had a natural talent for fucking women and making them cum! My first girlfriend I was with for 1.5 years and in the beginning we had great sex. The first time was in the back of her Lexus behind a gay bar. It was very exciting and in the dead of winter. So cold, we had to turn the car on to keep the heat running. After about 1 hour we heard a knock on the window, but could not see anything from all the fog coating the windows. I quickly pull myself together and get out of the car to find a police officer standing before me. Before I can say anything beyond good evening officer, my girlfriend pops out the other side completely disheveled and fixing her bra and says...hey! Everything is great officer, we were just leaving. This girlfriend turned out to be completely high maintenance and a little emotionally unstable and we agreed to part ways. We have since still remained good friends....and she is still my hairdresser when ever I go to the US. But she was a great first lesbian relationship to learn from.

My next girlfriend turned out to be the girl that used to live beneath me and my last boyfriend..the one now in prison. She was a very experienced lesbian and a dominatrix for fun. We explored many interesting sexual adventures from shaving, bondage, strap-ons, sensory deprivation, and fisting. She was the first to make me squirt and teach me how to make it happen. The most exhilarating experience with her was our trip to Berlin. There we had sex in my friends bed one night. It was the most intense fucking I had had up to that point in my life. After several hours of licking, sucking, and fingering and squirting, she very intimately took her time to begin fisting me. It took about an hour of slowly stroking my my pussy getting her to open up, each small gesture drew her hand deeper and deeper. It was not painful at all. It was loving and very intense, being this filled and by the time she was in, we were sitting in a pool of my cum. I felt bad for my friend though as he was banned from his room and forced to stay in his living room for the night and becuse he himself had not had sex in his own bed yet! Although our sex was very good together most of the time...I had a problem with her hygiene methods and it tended to be her fucking me more than me fucking her and that for me was not enough. So, we ended our relationship and we no longer talk. 

My next lesbian relationship was the most well connected and loving of all. She was not only the best woman, but for at least the first portion of our relationship, the best sex I had had with women....she later became my wife. In the beginning our sex was amazing. We went to festivals and camping together and had a lot of good tent sex. My biggest lesbian fantasy was fulfilled by her one night at one of these festivals. We spent much of the night fucking in our very cold tent. But we were so into what we were doing, we could not feel the cold. I got lost in our sex and all holds became unbarred! I wanted so much to feel her wet pussy rubbing up against mine, so we started to scissor each other and the squirt works went flowing. I was not only turned on in my mind by what was happening, but it felt so good. My sex drive was immediately sparked by this woman and shortly into our relationship, I taught her how to squirt and it became an amazing sport for both of us.

One time in my attempts to seduce her I created a scavenger hunt game. I invited her over and we had a few drinks. I handed her the first of 4 riddles to guide her where she needed to go. She was led somewhere, where she would find a rose and another riddle, then sent to another place to find something sexy for me to wear, then she would get another riddle to find my toy box and choose her weapons so to speak. She laid everything out on the bed that she wanted. She chose my black plastic sheet, rope, and blindfold. All very good choices indeed. I put on the sexy outfit she chose, undressed her and placed her atop the black plastic sheet. I took the rope and strung her arms over her head and affixed the rope to an O ring screwed into the baseboard. Then I sat on top of her and let her look at me as I kissed her lovingly and then blindfolded her. I took my time touching her with different objects from feathers, to hot wax dripping on her, scratches with my nails, spanks on her ass, and my tits and nipples running the course of her body. Then I licked her pussy and fingered her until she came over and over and was lying in her juices. Then I went to the kitchen and got a bottle of champagne I took off the top and took a heavy swig, just before I placed the opening into her pussy...letting some of the cold fizzy beverage into her. Then I licked some more and reinserted the bottle gently into her. After she had her final climax, I shook the bottle and let the contents spew allover her body. Her nipples were hard and I could tell she was a bit cold, so I mounted her to give her some of my warmth and sat on her face and we began to 69. I finally released her from her restraint and took off her blindfold and we both started to roll around in her cum champagne and she then fucked me.

After years of being together...and really together, we started having less and less sex. Restrictions on when and where became the law of the land. Towards the end of our relationship she became what I call, a pillow princess, where I was servicing her, but not being serviced. I was the instigator and the seducer. Then the lesbian bedroom death kicked in. I started to desire hetero sex again, purely for the animal desire aspect. I told her of this, but it never was commented on. We had gotten married 9 months before I moved to Berlin and had sex only 15 times in that period. It frustrated me to no end, but the other 99% of our relationship seemed perfect. But when I arrived in Berlin, I had an affair with an FtM and my whole outlook on the reality of my relationship and sexuality was turned upside down. My wife found out about my affair and ended our relationship and although we love each other deeply still to this day, living so far a apart from each other, left us no arena in which we could work on the problems we had in our relationship. The door is still open to find a away to be together, but at the moment we remain friends and talk regularly. She is very much a part of me and if there was anyone I could see myself growing old with, it would be her.

FtM  

In my 35 years of life and 20 years of sexual experience....I have to say my sexual encounters with FtM's have been the most adventurous, stimulating, and most fulfilling hands down. I think there is something about having the best of both worlds that makes this work best for me. Although, most FtM's might hold offense to this statement. I have been with 2 FtM's and both were at different stages of their transitions and at different emotional levels with themselves. But nonetheless, my opinion on the matter, best of both worlds describes it best to me.

My ex "M", as I have referred to him in previous blogs had just started his transition only a few months before we met. While the second had been transitioning for a few years with hormones, breast and female anatomy removed, but had not had his penis OP. My ex was the most amazing sexual partner I had ever had. The whole thing, the whole idea..the curiosity, the desire to conquer, and severe attraction to each other were all culprits in this intensity. He had not been with anyone sexually nor had the desire to be for over 10 years. Plus, the sex he did have when he did was not the most comfortable for her (at time). Knowing that even currently he was uncomfortable with his body, me being able to be the first to touch him drove my initial desire to have sex with him...the conquering aspect. But it also seemed like a good transition for me from lesbian sex to having sex with a man.

our sex started with the youthful 4-5 hours of flirting, and kissing, touching and grinding as he pushed me up against the wall. For the first time I was seeing how my body was reacting and observing it...here I was very connected to not only him, but to myself in a way I hadn't been before. He made it very clear he was interested in me and he was ok with telling me his boundaries from the beginning and communicating what he liked and didn't like. His one boundary was no penetration. In my eyes, this was completely doable as I never imagined sex with a man with me penetrating him. But I knew his desire to feel like a man and so the way I touched him and seduced him was very much in the way I would a man.

one day I arrived at his house and he was sitting in his chair drinking and talking with me. I was wearing a dress and had a glass of wine in my hand. I slowly placed the glass of wine on the table keeping eye contact on him the whole time. Then I stood before him and just dropped my panties to the ground. He could see nothing, but could only imagine. He said to me in his breaking voice, "that is so sexy." I leaned over him as he looked up at me and started to kiss him. Then I slowly lifted one leg over one side where he could catch just a quick glimpse of my pussy, then the other leg and stood over him. Then I slowly came down and straddled him. I took off his shirt and he loosened his binding to expose his stomach. Then I placed my wet pussy upon his belly so he could feel it close to his cock, but still with enough distance to draw the desire harder. We started kissing and he touched my breasts. The way he cradled them and lightly tweaked my nipples sent shivers through my body all the way to my loins. I decided to tease him a bit by standing up and walking away. I headed to the balcony to smoke a cigarette. As I walked away, I lifted my dress over my head and dropped it to the floor. I stood with my back to him as I lit my cigarette and I could feel the heat from his body draw closer and closer. He grabbed me and started kissing my neck and then tuned me around. We started kissing very heavy on the balcony over looking the main street. I put my cigarette out and turned his back to the street and undid his pants and they dropped to the ground. I reached into his pants and started to play with his dick-clit (extended clitoris from testosterone). He was so fucking wet, he was dripping. I started to rub his dick-clit and hearing his moans and grunts turned me on even more. The exploration of him, him being exposed outside on the balcony and me being the conqueror made the intrigue all the more alluring.

He reached into my pussy and started to play with me and his fingers felt so good. I was longing for his touch between my legs. I could feel myself leaking slowly my own juices as it ran slowly down my legs and then creating a puddle at my feet. The sound of his fingers inside me turned on the water works as the flood began to swell. I told him to take me to his bed...as we entered the house again, we only made it to the hall way, when he pushed himself against me and me against the wall. Finally, I was getting the animal sex I had been craving. I was glad the wall was there to hold me as my knees were starting to give out. We finally make it through the hallway and into his room. We had relinquished all of our clothes in the hallway...all but his binding. He stood before me as I sit wantingly on his bed as he paused. He then slowly took off the device and revealed himself to me. He dove down on top of me and when we felt the feel of our bare flesh against each other, the frenzie began. His need to find a way to rub up on me and stimulate himself and me were at completely the same levels of importance. We spent hours rolling around, trying new positions...acrobats if you will, to get each other off. It was fucking amazing. It was like all those 10 years of pent up sexual tension were being unleashed on me. As I was conquering him in my mind, he was conquering himself. This was a great sexual union of complete exploration to uncharted territories. The fact he felt so comfortable with me to share this experience with me really touched my heart.

After hours in bed, we got up to get a drink in the kitchen. The window was almost the size of the room and it exposed us to the apartments adjacent to us. Again, we could not stop and I sat on the oven as he fucked me like a man would without a cock right there, then down on the kitchen table, down the hallway to his room again. This type of sex was an almost every other day occurrence for 3 months straight. In this time period I lost 15 kilo or 30lbs. Highly aerobic sex with very little time for food. It was exhausting, but we could not stop. Of course, we do not speak any longer. He will always have a huge piece of my heart, the part that allowed me to feel and be felt. The heart that showed me my being....

my second FtM experience will be continued in blog...FTM Sex on Schoenhauser Allee

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