Thursday, June 28, 2012

15 Minutes


15 Minutes is about how long it will take for you to read a brief script of my real life

15 Minutes also emphasizes a time in my life that was mind altering.

15 Minutes is nothing to do with sex...unless it marks its break!


This is the meat of energy that propels your beloved Aimmee... enjoy!


15 minutes



Some say the fervor of life ends when one turns thirty. Thirty is the very last hurrah and then life is just about sustaining it. It is meant to be a time when people settle down and start families and the mundane sets in. Not for me, when I turned thirty my life had just begun. I was on the road to my future, finally. I had discovered a big part of my sexuality, my daughters were coming of age, I was in university again, learning and writing about things I could not believe, and I was nowhere near becoming settled. I was steering my life in hyper speed with one thing at the finish line…living in Berlin.
I no longer saw a place for me in a country that values democracy and freedom in the name of genocide, world invasion, and dictatorship and surrounding myself with people whose comprehension skills could be measured by the size of a bucket of KFC chicken…not just any old bucket of chicken, but rather in specific, the pink Susan G. Komen fight against breast cancer bucket of chicken. You have got to be fucking kidding me! At this point in my life I had had the opportunity to visit Germany twice and be so inspired to see what making time for life was like and what the meaning of freedom was. The funny thing is, Germany still has a stigma of being Nazi and of course every country next to the almighty US is indeed a third world country, still pissing in pots and holes in the ground! Well this is still true for France, but this veers off course as France does not count.

Vicious vicious circle...you idiots...keep eating that hormone infested chicken! They will find the cure for breast cancer only after you are the test subject! 
 

I am very much a part of Generation X, as they call it. But this X-er has made great use of her free thinking ability and right, although disregarding the supposed temporal obligation to country. When I was in Germany the first time, I actually liked that I was able to get on a train or any form of public transportation without a ticket. Yes, I said it! But not in the way a dishonest person would say it. I liked that I could actually do this and maybe even get away with it, but the point was, I was able to use my own character, my own better judgment, and actually process a thought without dictation…that possible free ticket to ride, was more than a one way ticket to a destination for me…it was my ticket to freedom of thought. I found something fundamentally wrong with the idea of my freedom in the freest country in the world, being constantly blockaded by a rotating stylist, being constantly reminded by signs, gadgets, and mindless robots, that my every move was being watched because as a “free” people, we must be treated like children unable to act in public. The rotating stylist is merely a metaphor for a “sheeple” mindlessly wielded and guided to the end of an unfulfilling life.
I was also quite enthused when I saw people actually taking lunch breaks longer than fifteen minutes. Jesus Christmas, in the US we dedicate our lives to our jobs and in most cases work to support our hobby as corporate slaves. Fifteen minutes in the US could be as disastrous as a heart attack in the world of American commerce, forget about an hour and forget about letting the slaves feed! It was a magnificent spectacle to watch, as they were literally sitting down in cafés or restaurants eating meals with real cutlery and yes…enjoying a glass of wine or beer without ridicule. It was fascinating to see the level of respect a people had for life…and freedom for that matter. If the government threatened to take away a right or do something the people did not like, the people would mob the streets in protest….yah America…PROTEST! These so called Nazi’s have actually learned something from having a notorious dictator ruin their lives in the past! Protest…a rise in the use of freedom of speech, not being afraid of what will happen when they do speak up, not being censored to keep from hurting some religious fundamentalists’ feelings, nor being censored by which News syndicate….ahhahha FOX NEWS to broadcasts it…because they have, since that painful time in their history, learned the value of rights and freedoms and know….when they are not executed, used, and maintained, they are up for grabs by the next dictatorial vulture. The flavor of freedom to German’s is like Coca Cola for Americans, the addiction and desire is sustained only when the reality is tangible!



I spent many days and nights checking out different cities throughout the country, just to see if this sense of freedom was any different based on region. What I found was, while in the south it is more conservative than let’s say, Berlin…the zest and zeal for life everywhere is apparent. I met several people while walking along the streets, riding the metro, and sitting in the many open parks, that were specifically established for the people to utilize for their own convenience, at any time of day or night…and of course with a beer in hand. You got that right…I could be in the park after dark without trampling on the dignity of a lonely and bored police officer lurking in the bushes waiting to write a bill of tax for passing through.
My first impressions of Germany stimulated not only my mind, but opened my eyes to a world, that I could have never imagined for myself living in the US of A. Every move I made from those experiences forward was a deliberately executed act of my right to be free. I knew my energy would be wasted in dedicating it to recovering freedom in the Western World…this was too big for me….especially in a world of ignorance being bliss. I had to make it for myself…suddenly thinking this way made it seem achievable. I set out to start university over again…and yes on the government’s dime, as I have no intention of paying it back. I had been a slave to them long enough and felt no regret and still to this day, believe I was taking what I feel I deserved. I found the very best liberal college in Atlanta…also the most expensive and tested into classes…yes, you heard it correctly. I tested into university! I will back up a bit and reveal that I never graduated from high school. I never said that I was not a statistic or average byproduct of the American way of life! I also had children at the young age of 14…but I get off track here, as it is not what I did in the ignorance of youth that defines me, but rather what I do with my life forward thinking.

I tested into the very astute Oglethorpe University to begin studying International Relations and Minoring in German. There I was able to tailor my Bachelor Degree towards whatever defined path I wanted. My focus would be on German politics, society, and history, and its impact and the potential influence it could have on the world. I had many questions about how specifically a country with such a sorted past could transform itself to reflecting the true essence of freedom, build one of the greatest economies in the world, and do it without sacrificing its soul to the devil…or China! There I spent many hours researching and writing papers and essays on topics that astonished my own personal capabilities. Two semesters alone focused on the perspective thoughts and influences of philosophy and this in itself developed my foundations for understanding and arguing global themes. The education was rigorous and unremorseful…grooling, as I also had to work full time to support myself. This comes to no surprise btw to Americans…this is the standard in the free world.
I received the best education one could attain…in Georgia, for a little over two years, until my federal financial aid would be exceeded, only two semesters before I was due to graduate. The financial counselors refused to petition the federal aid committee to extend my aid, so that I may finish my degree and suggested I take out a private loan in the amount of $25,000 to finish the last two semesters. This was not even a possibility, as I had just taken out an $11,000 private loan to do my mandatory study abroad course in Berlin. This time proved to be a stressful and a deliberative moment in my life. The universe was thrusting life altering obstacles my way, its way of showing me the right path. See, where some may succumb to the challenge and give up, this was for me a personal check written to test my will. If I thought the obstacle of finding a way to finish was enough for me to give up on my dream, then it was not meant to be. But, if I did whatever it took to finish, I knew in the end, no matter how hard it would be to survive in a foreign country, freshly starting a new life, the odds would be better in my favor and I could do it.
After taking some time to figure out my options, which were severely limited, I decided to go to State College to finish. I spoke with the advisors and they expressed to me that, I would have very little more to do to finish my degree. The only hindrances were that, I would probably be there for a year rather than two semesters and that I would have to ask my father to help me pay. I myself could live with being in school for another year, as I looked at it as a chance to polish up on what I already knew and maybe learn a little more along the way. My father always said, “It is what you learn after you know it all that really counts.” But the part about asking my father for money…this was the worst part and really the only thing that could ultimately impact my outcome. I could feel the nausea in my stomach and a rumble in the Bronx begins to take over my nerves. How does a child who lived such a cavalier life, always on the outskirts and at thirty years of age not accomplishing anything aside from an Associate’s Degree in Graphic Design and doing nothing with it, convince her very politically and financially conservative father to believe in her and invest in her? Here is when I began to question my own ability.
I do not know I convinced him, but luckily I did! See, where I went wrong in that last question was going against my personal beliefs stated earlier…I cannot be defined by my ignorance of youth…but rather by what I can accomplish in the future. Although my father and I both reside on two very vast and different ends of any spectrum…the one thing we do come together on is my strength in will. He saw, through the things I I was writing throughout my time at Oglethorpe and was very impressed with my skill with words. He was not as impressed by what I was learning, but more by how I ingested it and then represented it. If my father could believe in me, then I knew my dream from that moment on was more…it was now a mandate!
I began my studies the following semester and the challenge was not in the learning, NO WAY. Rather it was dealing with every hemorrhoidal person that was allowed to attend college…where the fuck is the value here? Thanks George W. Bush, for no child left behind! My first day at Georgia State University was filled with speeches and introductions to the faculty and staff that were stating empty reassurances in quality of education, raising the bar for students…blah blah blah. After taking in all the verbal vomit, the panel of academics took questions from the students, which had been sitting there staring at them with a glaze of boredom for the last hour. The very first question was presented by an incoming freshman. She was a petit black girl all of seventeen years of age, chewing gum and attending her first day of college wearing her pajama’s. As she stood up the only view was of the word “JUICY” written across her ass. I thought, oh boy, am I really here? Can I just forgo the hours of labor…just give me the drugs, cut me open and take this child out! ? She stood before the dean and president and her future professors and with a serious and completely straight faced and asked, “yah, do you be checking attendance yo?

I stood up and walked out of the auditorium as the president justified the question with an answer. I thought, Jesus fucking Christ, did I really make the right decision? Yes, I said to myself. Over and over I said, yes. At this moment in time I have reached beyond what any University could actually teach me…it was no longer about education of academics…it was all about the great test, the great sacrifice, and then being served humble pie! I knew I would be in for a great personal challenge as my first semester was a joke. I learned that all my perspectives on philosophy courses from Oglethorpe were non-transferable…something to do with the verbiage in class description. GSU is not known for critical thinking or teaching it for that matter. In a way, this did not surprise me. So, I was forced to take the GSU version of perspectives…Dinosaurs! WTF? To break it down in a nutshell...I attended the first week of this class learning: that if I show up for the class the day before the exams, I would get all the details about what would be covered. Then I could show up for the exam and fill in little bubbles for an hour and leave. I passed the class with an A and never wrote a single analytical paper, Oh wait, I never wrote anything except my name atop the bubble sheet.
My stress lay only in the time I felt I was wasting there at this sham of a school, who continually found more issues with my transfer credits, that would ultimately keep me there enrolled and paying for a useless tedious “education” for almost 4 more years. I had taken and retaken courses and actually did manage to write an amazing piece on the Dialog of Architecture in Post War Berlin. This paper, in the end, was so good in comparison to fucktards attending that school, I was accused of plagiarism. Oops, my bad, I missed a quotation mark in editing….I guess the fact that this mistake had been overlooked by the teachers’ assistant and oh, yah, the actual teacher, the first two times I submitted it for review, makes for dishonesty in a well versed student of German history! I did not let this set me back, as I was determined to finish what I had started and well, even though the school itself was a paradoxical mockery of the education system of America , I cannot say it was all for nothing. Because I extended my stay at the hotel de la academia, I was given the opportunity to complete an internship both with Pfizer Pharmaceuticals in 2010 and Deutsche Bahn in 2011 in Berlin.  


After my arduous tenure at Georgia Nonsensical University, I had Berlin in my view. I would finish my last semester in May of 2011 and move to Berlin to complete an internship for Deutsche Bahn. I left before my graduation ceremony would commence, but really I had no interest in being a part of that particular fiasco and what I would call the walk of shame, other than to maybe to dress as a sheep in a clown suit. I was done and was not looking back.
Before I left, I gave up all of my possessions and prepared never to return. I found a cheap room to rent from a crazy old German hippy who likes to sit on her couch with her dogs all day, watching her stories while sipping on hash! She herself has many stories of her life as a traveling hippy from the Black Forrest…she always made time to share some German Culture with me, coffee and cake at 4pm, Sunday brunch, and other traditional German feasts. My life in Berlin was never taken for granted. I observed everything around me, and daily have paid homage to the architecture, the people, and the life with a subtle grin of appreciation. Still to this day, as I walk along the streets with my mysterious smile, people always look back at me, either with a reciprocated smile or with the curiosity about what my secret might be…much like when one looks at the Mona Lisa. I love this feeling.
One year later, living in Berlin, I thrive on my freedoms. I thrive on the life that took decades to achieve. I am always on the go working in a different café and being amongst people. I am healthier and 60lbs lighter, I get sick less often and less intensely, I have met very interesting people and made valuable friendships and connections and all of this, I attribute to not sitting behind an overpriced piece of machinery that enables indifference and complete isolation and mindlessness. I am mobile and active mentally and physically, I am a living breathing part of the societal life pulse of Berlin. Connected and fulfilled.



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